A Short Lesson in Country Wisdom

Never ask advice from someone who is more screwed up than you are

Never “high five” under a ceiling fan.

Never argue with an idiot. They will drag you down to their level and beat you on experience.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time and it annoys the pig.

Never sneeze while you’re hiding

Never smile while you’re lying

Never do card tricks for the guys you play poker with

Never approach a bull from the front; a horse from behind or an idiot from any direction.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

Never forget that professionals built the Titanic and an amateur built the Arc.

Never corner something that you know is meaner than you are.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Never wrestle with a pig. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.

Never lick a steak knife.

Never slap a man who’s chewing tobacco.

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

Never pass up an opportunity to hold a kitten, a puppy or a small child.

Never take more than you give.

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